COMMON COLD AND THIN WOMEN

I woke up with a cold.

Since I became a Bolt driver I had been a bit worried about how my first driving experience would be. I had imagined one thousand ways it could go wrong- police palaver, crazy passengers, wrong direction, engine knocking, road accidents, I thought of everything. Everything except me sneezing behind the wheels.

I would have just cancelled my plan for the day and stayed at home but that would have meant another wasted day. So I made up my mind to face my fears and shame the cold.

I went to Oluyole Estate to pick a lady going to the airport. On my way to pick her I was just fine, though the weather was cold I winded down all the glasses so the fresh air could fill up the car. By the time I got to her house, I was almost perfectly okay. I had to wait for about ten minutes before she came out fully decked in all the rainbow colours. She was a sight to behold. This woman was so thin I was afraid she would collapse from the exertion of opening the car door. She could not have been above forty years but she reminded me of Mother Theresa. When I told her that she would have to pay for the waiting time, she blew up and recited her citations in three seconds. She was a senior manager in a big bank in Abuja, a graduate of Harvard Business School and a proud owner of five cars and uncountable landed properties, so who the hell was I to be telling her nonsense. She declared for my information, that her driver in Abuja was making ten times more than me, so I had better shut up and take her to the airport fast.

I just repeated myself and started the car. If you saw her you would understand that I couldn’t afford to argue with her. I mean, she looked so weightless that the air coming out of my mouth could send her tumbling out the window. The moment we hit the road, Madam Dried Leaf ordered me to wind up all the glasses and put on the AC. I had already forgotten about my cold so I quickly obeyed before she starts to tell me the number of ACs in her toilet. I made a mistake.

This woman had on a very strong cologne. The car immediately filled up with her perfume and my nose started to tingle. I tried to suppress the feeling, oh I tried. I blew in and out through my mouth, I made silly faces, and I kept nodding my head and thinking of cockroaches. Ladies and gentlemen, it was all in vain. I sneezed three times while driving through Bashorun road and peace died in that car. This woman almost called the police on me. She shouted for the rest of the journey about how I tried to kill her. Then I made the mistake of blaming her cologne; I believe I gave the poor woman a brain haemorrhage at that point.

We got to the airport and I was just glad to escape with my life. The amazing thing was when this woman rated me, she gave me three stars. Maybe I should call her to see if she’s okay.

I learnt one crucial lesson today though, avoid thin women in rainbow gowns. They are crazy!